I got chris browned last night
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
