So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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