I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just want nice things and good sex
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
