I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
