I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
