Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
