This is not my ceiling
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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