birth control should be required to get into college
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
