drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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