the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
