I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
