pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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