I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
