So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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