I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
