just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I wish there were birth control emojis
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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