just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
