my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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