Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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