just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
