another moral hangover. fuck.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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