I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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