I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
