Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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