Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
