I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
