so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
