ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
