I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
