So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
