You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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