so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
