i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
