OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
