yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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