are you still at the devil's house?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
