You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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