Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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