I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
