I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
