i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
