if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
