there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
