That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
