btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
