sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
