It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
