By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
