hotel room ftw
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
