Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
