Just cropdusted the office
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
