i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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